Epiphany
by Aku Soku Zanza
Summary: Hiding the hole inside his heart didn't help him, but an unexpected encounter brought love back to the ex-Sekihotai. R&R, please!
1. Chapter One

Epiphany  
  
Chapter One  
  
A breeze stirred through his dark hair as Sagara Sanosuke strolled through the alleys of Tokyo, fish-bone hanging out from his lips, on his way to indulge in his favorite hobby, gambling. His long white jacket whipped around his slim yet muscular form along with the refreshing breath of the wind, exposing well-formed pecs and distinct abs covered by wrappings. It was barely seven yet the full bottle of sake he hugged close to his slender form predicted that Sano would be wasted beyond relief by ten o'clock.  
  
Ever since Shishio's defeat, he had been spending more and more time getting drunk and gambling than before. It seemed as if, after all the chaos had died down, there was something missing from his life, and he tried to fill the hours with mindless, consuming activities so he would not have to think about the hole in his heart. After weeks of this, it seemed to be working pretty well, and he had almost forgotten about his problem.  
  
When he arrived at the gambling house, the confident nineteen year old quickly sat down in front of the first opponent available, crossing his long legs before him, and brashly rolled the dice with an enveloping air of nonchalance. Seeing the snake eyes on the faces of the white cubes, Sano grinned from ear to ear, closing his eyes in full merriment, and stuck out his hand for his reward. Finally his luck in the game was returning to him after a losing streak of five days.  
  
Instead of receiving the coins he expected, the self-assured young man cringed as he felt his good hand, the left hand, being grabbed and twisted behind his back.  
  
"K'so!" Sano cried, darting his eyes open in shame for not being better prepared and shock as he was not at all prepared for the site that he beheld.  
  
A man with narrow, gold-amber eyes glared back at the bewildered youth, a wolf-like temperament evident from his stance. Four bangs hung over his long, serious visage, and at his seemingly cruel lips, he puffed at a cigarette that he held in his free hand.  
  
"Y-You...?!" stammered the surprised boy, his heart pounding at his chest with more than confusion, but he could not say exactly what it was. He scanned the formidable length of the wolf's body which was clad in a starched and neatly pressed police uniform with a long katana at his belt. Beneath the attire, however, he noticed with a twitch of pain as his arm was pulled further, the aggressor's tightly bound muscles bundling and retracting to stretch against the thin cloth, and he breathed harder. After so long, Saitou? Who he had believed to be dead? Could this be a dream?  
  
"It's been awhile, Ahou," whispered Saitou Hajime as he pulled the paralyzed Sanosuke out of the crowded gambling house and onto the street. The other gamblers said nothing as they were used to police officers catching and shoving cheaters out of the building. And before Sano could protest, he was further dragged into a small, dark room on the shady side of the building across the way. Where the fuck was the psycho cop taking him?  
  
The older man threw Sano onto the tattered tatami mats of the disheveled and obviously abandoned room and turned to exhale a gray puff of smoke from the cigarette. The young man, having to comprehend so much in such a tiny interval of time, could say nothing as he flitted his eyes nervously and partly suspiciously around the area before he finally opened his mouth and let his words explode out.  
  
"Where the hell did you take me? And what are you doing here?! I thought you were dead!" Sanosuke managed to yell before Saitou turned to silence him with a look from his burning amber eyes. What was it that lit those glowing orbs with such feeling? Sano, being used to a lack of expression from the tall, taciturn man fell to a loss of words, hypnotized by the unexpected gaze. There, that something on which he could not place a name appeared again, and his bewilderment and excitement increased dramatically.  
  
"Ahou ga. You honestly believed that I had died? I had already planned for the consequences of Shishio's death and the inferno that would come afterwards, so on the map that I gave to Shinomori, I erased the secret route out of Shishio's hideout that I'd discovered. It was simple though I did receive a few burns. I was merely biding my time afterwards, awaiting the recovery of your Kenshingumi and the perfect opportunity to expose myself. The wolf waits until the right moment to pounce and seizes that instant without any semblance of letting go," Saitou gave him a wide smile, showing off his wolf-like fangs, and chuckled. The police cap perched upon his head shook with the bout of laughter and followed him along as he pulled over a bamboo chair from the corner of the room and sat down on it, though never becoming totally relaxed or off guard as a seasoned warrior instinctively avoided. The way with which he moved his lengthy, sinewy body sent a shiver up Sano's body, but he tried to ignore it by concentrating on his anger and confusion.  
  
"Damn you," Sano cursed angrily as much at himself for reacting physically as at his rival, "How dare you trick all of us into thinking that, bastard? This is a great chance for revenge. We still haven't had our fight yet, and as sure as my name is Sagara, I am ready for it." He pounded his left fist into the mat, leaving it irreparable.  
  
"Ready? For me?" Saitou howled with laughter this time, mocking the arrogance of the young street fighter. "See how easily I brought you to the floor... of an entirely different building!"  
  
Sanosuke leaped up, infuriated, and dashed, fists outstretched, towards the smirking Miburo, calling, "Shut up, you dirty policeman! I don't know what you're up to, but I know I don't like it!" He took a swing at Saitou when he was within range and instead found his hand once again cupped within the sharp paw of the menacing wolf, who, jumping from his seat, had easily dodged the clumsy attack and was now looking into his dark brown eyes with frightening intensity.  
  
"Didn't anyone ever teach you to respect your elders?" Saitou inquired before taking Sano's chin with hands dressed in silky white gloves and pressing his lips onto those of the young man, tasting the unmistakable essence of sake. He dug his smoke-tinged tongue into the youth's struggling mouth and played tag with the latter's own sweet, salivating tongue. The sake mixed with the Sano's pleasant flavor to cancel out the Miburo's addiction to killing, stimulated by the bitter alcohol, instead enhancing his addictive need for the boy himself.  
  
Although the former Zanbatou-wielder rebelled against this violation at first, he felt his own body acting against his will and reacting sensually to the unwanted kiss, a bulge in his pants now visibly evident, and he unintentionally rubbed it against Saitou's lean, muscular body while his tongue was being massaged passionately and almost violently.  
  
When their lips pulled apart at length, the two were panting from lack of oxygen, and Sano was deeply alarmed by what he had just done. Kissing the stuck up policeman? The asshole who had stuck a sword into his shoulder? What the hell was he thinking? But as he looked down, he remembered that his brain had ceded power to another more demanding organ and blushed, covering the blatant erection.  
  
"What the fuck is going on now?!" Sano cried in desperation and frustration that his body was no longer in his control. That mysterious something had flooded through his veins to all parts of his body, defeating his domination over his limbs and seizing them with its enthralling power.  
  
Saitou had returned to his chair by then, and he sat with rigid posture, returning the cigarette, which had not burned out yet, to his reddened lips, now slightly swollen from the vehement rubbings.  
  
"Yare, yare," the ex-Shinsengumi sighed, "I guess I owe you another explanation now, Ahou, since you're too dense to figure it out yourself."  
  
He was met with a cry of "Urusai!" that he promptly and wholly ignored, "Or is it that you're afraid to see it?"  
  
Sano looked up curiously into Saitou's smug face, interrogating the officer wordlessly.  
  
"Well it goes back to the first time I saw you, at the Kamiya dojo, when I was peddling medicine..."  
  
When you fucking skewered me, bakayaro, Sano thought, wincing at the memory.  
  
"I didn't think much of you or your fighting ability at first, but the first touch you gave to my hand, stroking my wrist; afterwards I could think of nothing but your fingers on me..."  
  
Saitou broke off, leading to a tense, embarrassed silence. This was more difficult than he'd ever imagined, admitting such a thing to the kid.  
  
"I decided that you were out of the question, a young ruffian who innocently flirted with the waitresses at the Akabeko. Where would the dangerous old policeman fit into his life and how would he manage to do that?"  
  
Sano could barely move yet felt his stomach curl up and twist itself in anticipation for the rest of the explanation. Was this turning into what he believed it to be? What would be the outcome of this bold action?  
  
"But my days and nights were haunted by your image. Your naiveté, such a contrast with my blood-washed past, appealed to me along with your fierce determination. I knew it could not happen and tried to suppress it, but today, here I am, defeated and as the symbol of my failure in a self- struggle."  
  
The usually-assertive Miburo coughed and hesitantly continued, "What I mean to say is. It was all you from then on. I needed to have you, Sanosuke..." Sano became painfully aware of himself as his once baggy, loose pants became even more restraining and tightened on his narrow hips, and he noticed, from the corner of his eye, Saitou's vigilant watch shift towards the his now prominent crotch.  
  
"I came here today to find the answer to a question that I've been avoiding for the longest time..."  
  
Sano held his breath and waited, a million memories of Saitou racing through his mind in all different directions, distorting his sense of perception.  
  
"...Do you want me?" With those words Saitou's tone reverted to its usual insouciance, and he inhaled from that now-stubby cigarette for the last time and let it drop to the floor. The deed was done. Whether pain or bliss would follow, his torturous plight of ignorance of his significant other's feelings would end soon enough.  
  
Sano's mind was emptied of all its images by the sudden confession, and the final question forced him out of his reverie and brought him to thought. What did he truly feel for this man, Saitou Hajime? For those evil smoldering eyes? For that taut, muscled body? For his radiating heat and intoxicating musk? For the feel of those gloved hands on his yearning body?  
  
An epiphany. It hit him as Sano put it all together. It was he who was in denial earlier, his body had merely acted in accordance with his heart. That something that he felt was an unmistakable allure pulling him to Saitou Hajime, like gravity to an aerial object, and boy, had he fallen hard without even knowing it. There was no use repressing his emotions anymore. No point in running away from obvious longing. He realized that ever since he had first laid eyes on the Wolf, he had fought against himself and the attraction he felt, going to insults and attacks to try and escape from it, but now it was over. He gave in.  
  
The young man turned to the police officer and said, neatly, "I want you."  
  
Saitou grinned. "I thought as much." And with that, the wolf pounced. 


	2. Chapter Two

Epiphany  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Sanosuke felt the older man's warm embrace surround his whole existence, and the intimacy that he felt was all the proof he needed that this was no joke. There was no catch. Saitou craved him, in an almost animalistic passion, and he reciprocated the sensual affection with tiny nips at the Miburo's left ear while he rested his cheek on the broad, strong shoulder of the policeman, from whom a smoky air of masculinity emanated, closing his eyes and purring contentedly as the man's not-so- gentle fingers brushed their way down his back to caress, and almost taunt, his other set of firm cheeks.  
  
He moved his lips, slowly and fluidly, down to Saitou's long, thin- muscled neck with the aid of a slightly protruding tongue, nibbling ever so softly when he reached his destination. His partner continued his rubbing and squeezing down below, inching one hand past the slim hips to continue the stroking motion on the youth's swollen hard-on. The subject of so many dreams was coming true for the Wolf, who, however still cold, seemed to be breaking through his walls of inner protection.  
  
Sano moaned mutely, the sound muffled by his lips' attachment to the ridged and gasping throat, in which he felt a rapid heartbeat pound incessantly. Could this be real? That in a matter of minutes, this enigmatic yet desirable man transformed from a snide rival to a fiery lover?  
  
True, he may have at last recognized his own love for the conceited bastard, whose every aspect now rendered Sano lightheaded and weak in the knees when he pictured the merciless Shinsengumi in his mind, but this he was sure of because he knew it extended past the superficial. Dammit, the guy wasn't even much to look at, though his amber irises, shining through narrow slits, were entrancing. And he had one hell of a body.  
  
But that was besides the point. There was a far less tangible goal to be reached. Something hidden beneath the layers that Saitou had built up for himself in, perhaps, emotional defense acted as a magnet for Sano, a secret waiting to be discovered. He knew he needed whatever it was that lay at the core of Saitou's being, needed now more than anything else in the world... for his own completion.  
  
Nevertheless suspicion grew. How was he so sure that what Saitou felt for him wasn't just lust, the foreshadowing of another abandonment that he was not at all prepared to take? He'd rather trudge through life without the presence of his other half next to him than to be betrayed by the hormones of his traitorous lover.  
  
Thoughts sprung to the days of the Sekihotai, when glory waved like a proud flag above his Taicho and the whole group. Sano was so happy then. And innocent of the ways of human nature. Yet his colleagues were destined to leave him, a survivor of a corrupted government's plot to secure the confidence of its disgruntled people, as they simultaneously left the world. He knew that if forced to forsake hope again in the midst of what he believed to be infinite joy, he would not survive.  
  
Furthermore, to put it bluntly, Sagara Sanosuke was not a goddamn whore. He would not be the victim of a sweaty romp and a one-night stand. The word "honor" actually meant something to him, and though admittedly not a religious man, he had his own morals just as Saitou had his sense of justice.  
  
Awakened by doubt and a sense of unbalance, the young rebel pulled away suddenly, his engorgement wrenched from the desperate grasp of the Wolf.  
  
"Just you try and rape me, temee..." murmured Sano hoarsely, wiping his moist lips in disgust.  
  
Saitou, taken aback, stared at the Rooster-Head with utter confusion. What had changed so quickly? How would the love-marks he had just received on his neck bring anyone to the conclusion of rape?  
  
"What is it, Ahou?" he questioned, fearful that his newly-formed bubble would soon pop. After all, he'd waited so long for the moron to come to his senses.  
  
He watched as Sano clenched and unclenched his fists repeatedly in turmoil within himself, muttering under his breath, "I won't let it happen again... Right when I think I can trust them... They always desert me..."  
  
It dawned on the Wolf that he had never taken into account Sanosuke's terrible past and had thus judged him wrongly. He believed the young man to have a clean, unsullied view of the world but almost forgot about his unsettling experiences. The kid, more than anything, needed support and love, both of which Saitou was willing to give, but he had to find a way to secure Sano's faith in him.  
  
The tall officer covered the distance created between the two with a wistful yet earnest expression and reached behind Sano's head to untie his red bandana and retie half of it onto his own wrist and the other half onto the Tori-Atama's, making them almost inseparable with the sturdy hold.  
  
"Idiot. You think I'd ever leave you? After all this time I spent, wondering how to tell you about my feelings, you think I'd put it to waste? I live a simple, frugal life. There is no excess in anything that I do or say, Sanosuke. But this is to prove to you that I will stay with my Ahou, no matter what," Saitou put his arm around Sano's waist and pulled him close.  
  
"I may have seemed crude in my affirmation to you, but that is because it is so difficult to express such things. I hope that you understand," he whispered with uncharacteristic tenderness into the youth's ear.  
  
Sano felt all feelings of anger and jealousy and suspicion melt away from him, and he raised his arm, which in turn elevated that of Saitou's, to examine the tightly bound limbs. They were together and moved in perfect unison.  
  
He pulled Saitou ever closer to him, never wanting to let go.  
  
"I love you, Hajime."  
  
"Ahou ga."  
  
Sano smiled with a gleam in his eye that wasn't there before. He had underestimated the older man, now embarrassed at his outburst and suspicion of lust, but... but it was just too great.  
  
He could feel the hollow void within himself being filled up at this very moment with the fervent emotion that he had been missing since childhood.  
  
Wherever this dumbass police officer would take him, he'd follow. He was hooked now, always a victim to his own loyalty, and would be willing to risk another letdown for his man. After all, wasn't life composed of dangers and perils? They made the experience rather fun.  
  
Of course, insecurity might come back to haunt him later, at a time when his resolve was broken, but he knew now that Saitou would be there to guide him through. And that would be enough for him.  
  
Like his best friend, Kenshin, he decided then to keep to an idealistic dream of which he'd been afraid during years of fighting on the streets and drunken brawls. He'd been evading commitment, believing that the inevitable end to it would always be his loss, but now he could stand it.  
  
He'd show Saitou that Sagara Sanosuke would brave the lingering uncertainty from his past to create a new future. Taicho would have wanted him to be this way.  
  
"So what are you waiting for now, old man. Can't get it up anymore?" he teased, running the pads of his fingers down Saitou's rippling deltoids and triceps. "Fuck me." 


End file.
